For the next few writings, we will be sharing emails received from readers of their experiences with Love. First up is Penny’s tale.
My name is Penny and I will like to believe that there is actually nothing wrong with me, as I seem to find the wrong ends of love. I have got quiet a few too many bad experiences when it comes to trying to find the right guy, as many of us call it "The One".
Now from the all too good to be true, Oh!!! I cant believe he is standing right there in front of me, to the breathe takers and the ones who turn you to the clumsy fool. I have been there, done that. I have even gone further to the; be his life source and he will remember you in the good days; understanding girlfriend as he is going through a lot at the moment; so he flirts at least he still comes home to me at the end of each day. I have been the pathetic, desperate, and all too pleasing, keep your cool girlfriend.
Now I meet Mike and believe me he was Cute! He was one of those guys your girlfriends say you have no chance in hell with. We had met at a club. Prior to that evening I had made the special effort to look tight and hot. Believe me I had even become aware of the effect I was having before getting to the club. I had gotten a full tank of gas courtesy my outfit for the evening and the effect it was pulling on some guy that wanted to show off. As always the girls and myself had enjoyed a good laugh about this all the way to our venue for the night. Our motto for the night was just to have a fantastic girls night out without any intrusions from the opposite sex. We had stuck to this even when the gentleman who had filled the tank was offering to tag along and give us a good night out on his account.
The night had started off okay as we had gotten one of the tables at the Coliseum. It had been an entertaining one as well. As planned, we girls had stuck together. However, that was about to be short-lived as Mike and his guys made their way into the club. It was like this had been planned, as they walked in they had made it a plan to tear apart the girl power thing we had going. Mike had picked me out of the group as his, Justin had gone for Chantelle, Ben had gone for Angel, Thomas had gone for Vivian and Peter had gone for Vanessa.
Seemed their motto had been not to take no for an answer. Before we knew what was happening the guys had got us giggling and laughing. As we got comfortable, everyone began to pair up on the dance floor. We could tell we had left the guys speechless by the end of the night. We had all left there having exchanged blackberry pins, numbers and even email addresses. The logic the guys had gone with was there was no way in hell we could say we didn’t get any of their communication methods.
Mike had offered to drive us home and I had gladly accepted given I had been drinking that night. The other ladies had been grateful that I accepted as they had found it as a last chance to pair up once again and enjoy the drive home with the guys. The night could not have ended any better as he had been the perfect gentleman, and said his goodbyes in the most respectful of ways.
For myself this had sparked an interest and I had gone to bed early hours of that morning praying he kept in touch (as we ladies all know, we appear too desperate if we make the first call or send the first message). I had woken up later in the day to a message from him thanking me for an amazing night and proposing if we could get to see again as I had left quiet an impression. I had agreed although I had formed busy to ensure I did not seem too desperate. This had created a 4-days interval between when we last saw to the next date.
I had taken my day to ensure I looked good for this date. As agreed we had met at Churras at 6.30pm for a meal to get to know a little more about each other. The evening had been good, that’s all I can say. We had talked all through. Everything had flowed smoothly. It had been one of those dates where you just felt comfortable and relaxed. Before we knew it, it was almost 10pm. I played the good girl and said I had to get home, as I did not want to be driving on my own, too late at night. This time he had said goodnight with a peck. Geez! that peck had sent some chills down my body as I had felt his breathe on my skin.
Days following we had chatted, talked on the phone and the excitement had built as the days progressed. I didn’t want to admit it but with each passing day I fell in love with the guy. I had gradually gotten to a point where I could not wake up without sending a good morning across to him or go to bed without him being the last person I spoke to. As I began to fall into the routine, the changes started becoming evident. He became a lot more busy than usual or too tired to talk on the phone for too long or forgot he said he would call me back.
For some strange reason as we ladies seem to always become when it comes to the matters of the heart, I understood and was very supportive during this period. From the guy I adored, our love became one that had its days. Some really good ones where I was made to feel like the only woman in his life to the really bad ones where I was shut out completely.
Few months later, the truth behind the mystery came out. I had gone to spend a few nights at his and had stumbled on a few difficult truths. I was not the only woman in his life. During my stay there had been a couple of midnight calls where he had to excuse himself from the room to talk to the caller. On one of the nights I had pretended to be deep in sleep and had heard the full conversation. He had moved me a couple of times to see if I was awake but I had acted well enough to convince him I was asleep.
The caller had been a female as I could tell from the voice on the other end of the phone. The conversation had been really weird but from what I had gathered she needed to see him and she wanted to see him fast as the itch within her thighs needed to be sorted out. Mike my so-called boyfriend had promised her a whole weekend, the weekend following my visit. He had stated where they should meet and how she was in for a surprise.
I had asked him the next morning and he had said he did not know if he had any plans yet and would have to check his diary and get back to me. I had just left matters as they were without saying anything and left. As agreed on the day he was meant to be meeting her, I showed up at the spot and confronted him. It was amazing to see how the blood drained from his face on sighting him. I had waited for the perfect moment, while he was kissing her.
I had just walked away after ensuring he knew I had seen him. He had run after me and begged. He had even reported himself to his mom and begged her to please talk to me and appeal to me as a daughter. His friends had all taken turns in calling me up and begging me to pardon and forgive, as this was the first serious relationship he had been involved in. He had sent gifts, letters, apology cards and all. He had shown up at my door begging to just be heard out.
I finally gave him a chance to speak to me. He had explained that bringing himself to just focus on one woman was one of his fears. He had watched a close friend put himself in love and it had not ended well. He asked for another opportunity and promised to make it up to me daily if I just take him back. I know this sounds very sad and all, but his speech had been better. It might have been the emotions that clouded my judgement as well. I had taken him back and watched to see how things would go. For a few months, things had gone very smoothly and I could not have been happier.
I was soon to learn that old habits die-hard. Soon the girls started calling again, I became the item of ridicule even amongst his friends, we would go out and I would be left to entertain myself because he was busy helping his mates with stuff. Girls would pass their details to him while I stood there. Then he began to get angry whenever I objected to something he had done that I thought was disrespectful. He termed me the jealous nag who got all worked up once other ladies started to move close to him. He concluded I was just scared of competition and lacked confidence in myself.
From this relationship I suffered, emotional and psychological abuse. It got as bad that I would make extra effort to look just nice for him, I started dieting. I was afraid to bring my girlfriends close just in case he fancied one of them, as I could not bring myself to go through that torture. I did most of the calling and checking up on just in the name of not wanting to be alone and wanting to be loved. Finally it got to a point where I found my voice and I ended it all. Even getting over him had not been easy as he continuously made sure I was reminded of him and all he stood for in my life.
I was good to this guy. I did everything the perfect girlfriend would do; the cooking, the cleaning, helping to meet his needs, always there to listen no matter what time of the night, and helping with work projects amongst other things. I played the role so well even his mates envied him and prayed for a girl like me. Was I wrong for being this good and too easy. I have learnt not to force love but let love find you. Loneliness hurts a lot but loving the wrong person hurts even more. The patient dog gets the fattest bone. I will get my bone soon enough I believe. Its just a matter of time.
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