How do girls lose themselves?

Lately, I find that I am being taken for granted a lot by my boyfriend. Am doing a distant thing at the moment. I know distance is not an easy thing to do, but for the first six months before we made it official it was working out well. He asked me out in July and since then it been one issue or the other. When they say a guy changes when he has got you, it is a true sentence.

We meet at a party and everything just seemed to click. We talked a lot and it seemed we had a lot in common. I mean I could spend hours on the phone with this guy and never get tired. We went out together and it felt nice. He always seemed to have time for me. I could physically feel the attraction and the kiss was good. Then we did the friends with benefits thing. We were not committed to each other but we both eagerly anticipated each other's company or so I was made to believe.

In July, I raised an opinion that I felt emotions were getting attached and he raised that we needed to have a serious talk. In July, we had the so-called serious talk and it ended in him asking me out and wanting to know if I wanted to take the risk given I was so scared to commit to things as I knew there would be changes and I had anticipated these changes would not be a good one. I decided to give it a try and go with the wind to see where it blew me.  Prior to him, I had ended my previous relationship due to neglect and hardly interacting with the guy I loved, given he was always ever so busy. This I thought had been a fundamental understanding between us.

From the caring guy I knew, he went to one who;

• could go without talking to me for a whole day,
• interactions became a thing of convenience, 
• if I didn't call, he didn't call
• even when I called there was a reason he had to rush off or leave the phone,
• things that seemed to matter to me, just never seemed to bother him
• the good nights and good mornings started being missed, 
• blamed my mood swings on the absence of sex,

I made excuses for his actions. I began to see myself as probably the one requesting more than an individual is actually capable of giving. I craved his attention, his affection. I wanted so badly to be as important to him as just the other things he had in his life that matter to him. I went from a strong person to the girl who couldnt sleep tilll she heard his voice. I lost myself a bit each day as I so much wanted to be the one person this guy wanted to tell everything.

The dawning bit was on my birthday. the one day you expect to be all about you. The one day you expect your boyfriend to be the first to call and wish you a great day. The one day you expect the public declaration of his love for you on his blackberry page. My boyfriend fell asleep before it was 12 midnight. My friends all wished me Happy Birthday before he did. Now that I think about it, I dont actually think the words Happy Birthday came out of his mouth. He blamed the not calling and acknowledging it on his dp on a bad network. He lied even though I knew the truth. I don't know which hurts most the not calling or the lie.Then he fed me a bit more anticipation saying, his plan was to be the last person to call me that day. As a gullible idiot I fell yet again for that, as a bit of me had just the slightest anticipation that he might actually come through on this one. I went to bed after a message to him saying, "so much for wanting to be the last to call me, way to go!!".

His reply was; "sorry, slept off". He asked for the gist of what I got up to for my birthday, which I gave him. Then I decided not to ignore what he has done and asked for a no communication for a whole week. His reply was, "he accepts his punishment" after he gave an apology which I refused to accept.

He has tried calling twice today but am too bitter to pick. Funny thing is, I am not even mad at him. Am I right i n thinking I wanted this more than he did? How did I let my guards down so much?, How did I lose myself in what seems a one sided romance? Does love make you so stupid? Do you stop knowing what love is all about just because you find someone you really like? When do you stop making the excuses? Does love always make you query where you stand with him?

I thought love always made you feel special everytime. I thought love appreciated what it had. I did. I gave my all. I thought love was unconditional and you always knew you had it and neva questioned its existence. I thought love went the extra mile to let you know how much you were loved. Love spoils you. On your bday your lover is the first you hear from and if not makes amends as soon as possible and makes the time out to talk to you. I understand not everyday is rosey with love but not everyday is a busy day with love as well. Am I living in a fairytale world or is love actually all these things.

I am in a confused state. Here is a guy I love but I cant have him fully. Just too many conditions attached, what do I do? Do I compromise and let go of what I believe it should be? Or do I just let go and take as much time as it will to heal from it? Help Juliet!!!

Supposed Love...

You remember when you first met,
You remember the moment you eyes met,
You know the moment you had caught his attention,
The moment you were all he wanted.

How time has gone,
Now you have become the ridicule,
You do the chasing,
Gone are the days of our love.

He would do anything to make you happy then,
He knew the right words to say,
He knew how to get me smiling,
He knew when he had hurt you and was quick to be sorry.

When out together it was amazing,
You could not stop smiling,
You could tell he was proud to hold you, to have you as his
You eagerly anticipated such days.

Now this seems a dream,
You have been in a make believe word,
The love you knew seems to be gone,
It seems to be long forgotten.

Days go by, and not a word from him,
The time he had for you is long gone,
Now you are a bother,
Now you are a pain.

And to end it all the relationship you once knew,
has become nothing more to him than what he refers to a mere friendship,
You have become a fling,
You have become the trash he once had.

Inspirational Thought of the week

" In life you meet many challenges; some break you and others make you stronger. The person you become out of this challenges can only be decided by you. You could decide to let it get at you or you can get up, examine it, weigh up the pros and cons and come up with a solution on how to solve it. At the end of the day it leaves a mark on you. The decision on whether it is positive or negative lies in your court".